Chew on THIS

Here's what I thought was a little known fact about me: I love stale candy.

Apparently it is not so little known, because while visiting my friends Liz and Tim recently, they surprised me with a treasure trove: a bag of Halloween candy they saved from LAST YEAR especially for me.

Okay, I'm sure many of you are saying "Ewwwww!" so let me clarify. No chocolate or perishable stuff, just items like tootsie rolls (chocolate and fruit-flavored) and Starburst chews... stuff that keeps FOR-EVER.

I can't begin to tell you how good it is. The flavors are, basically, the same. But the texture is sublime. Much, much chewier and resistant to the bite than the fresh stuff. Kind of adds an element of intrigue to the consumption: Am I going to lose a filling? Is this cherry-flavored nugget actually ALIVE and putting up a struggle?

Until Liz and Tim rocked my world, I had to resort to strategies like tunneling to the back of the rack to find the firmest confections. I would get excited in random places, like stores with long-ignored candy counters. I'm not a big risk taker with my health, so I shun selections that are covered with dust or located too close to the ground. But packaged treats that appear to have been sitting pretty for aeons? The wallflowers of the candy world? Bring 'em on.

I've had the bag for a few days now and I've already put a serious dent in it. The item I plan to eat last is a single wrapped piece of red licorice, which I know from my gingerbread-house-making days is pretty much the ne plus ultra of stale candy. Of course, if I were really self-disciplined, I'd set it aside for another year... or two.

But I'm not. Another not so little known fact about me.